Reflections

So, I was just making plans with some friends for some up coming weekends and I made mention that Caroline's 2nd birthday party was coming up. I was like, I can't believe my sweet lil baby neice Caroline is going to be 2! Yes, 2!!! I'm getting old!

It just seems weird thinking back over the past two years and all that has gone on and to know, that I've survived it. If I could handle these past two years, I should be able to handle just about anything that is thrown my way!

I feel like these experiences have made me grow, rather other's notice it or not, I feel like I have. Granted....I don't look any older, but I know I've changed!

These events have made me step outside and realize what is important and have taught me to be thankful for all I have. I faced my worst nightmare, how could you not be changed? I have seen new life enter this world and I have seen old lives leave.

Within a years time I saw the most precious little girl come into this world and bless a whole family. I saw my sister, my one and only sister, knocking on death's door. I saw my grandfather, one of the most amazing and strong men ever, sucumb with a quickness to cancer and enter the glorious gates of heaven.

I think I experienced every emotion during that year, from happiness to anger, I felt it all, but in a way, I wonder if that was God's way of bringing me back to where I need to be in my life. It became so easy to think about me and only myself for so long and not worry about consequences or if what I was doing was wrong or right. I wonder if I did not go through these things if I would be where I am today? Not that I'm perfect now or anything, but you know, you know right???

Out of all the bad, there has to be good come out of it. I look at my sister and see a miracle and someone who is walking proof that prayers work and that the ultimate healer is up above. I've seen her be completely restored and in the end, produce another perfect baby girl. She has shown the world that you cannot live in fear and what a fantastic mother she is. I feel like our family has been drawn closer together because of everything that's happened.

I still have emotions pertaining to all that has happened, but it's selfish reason. I still miss my grandfather terribly. I know I had 27 amazing years with him, and he spent 86 years on this earth, I still miss him. I still sometimes feel a tinge of anger about what happened with my sister, but that's when I remind myself of forgiveness.

That's my sad story for the day. It's been an amazing 2 years and I'm in awe of how sweet and precious Caroline is. I love her more than I ever thought I could love one little girl and it's crazy the joy that she can bring into my life and others as well. Nothing can melt my heart the way that Caroline can when she says, Bless you Bec Bec, Love you Bec Bec, Hugs and kisses Bec Bec! Just like a new life was born 2 years ago, I feel like a new stage of my life started 2 years ago as well. Now that's deep!